My daughter Martha's latest post got me to thinking about men and responsibility. My dad was born in 1928. His family lived in Topeka, but in the summers he was sent to work on his grandparents farm. When he was nine years old he was driving a horse & mule powered binder while his uncles stacked the sheaves. Any money he made was given to his parents. Later on he got a paper route and again, any money he made went to help feed his four brothers and two sisters. His story was not unusual; in fact it was typical for young men of that generation to pitch in and help their families survive. Frankly, that was the way things were for every generation back to Adam. Boys coulnd't stay boys for long. They were men (or at least worked like men) by the time they were sixteen. Responsibility came to them naturally. They were raised with it. It was as natural as eating or breathing. Something has changed.
After World War II there was a tremendous economic boom, and with it came a profound change in how children, especially boys, were raised. An enormous number of men served in the armed forces and then went to college on the GI Bill. My dad was one of them. He was the first person in the history of his family to ever get to go to college. In the 1950's a college degree was worth a lot of money. My dad, unlike his dad, was able to raise a family in relative comfort on his salary alone. Mom stayed home with the kids, like most other moms in those days. Labor laws kept me from working at a serious job until I was sixteen, and even then, any money I made I got to keep for myself. My family simply did not need me. I had chores, of course, but they were piddly things like mowing the yeard and cleaning the garage. If I hadn't done them someone else would have. Talk about a dramatic shift. Middle Class America is huge, and it's young men aren't genuinely needed by anyone, at least not until they are old enough to start their own families. For most young men the first real responsibility they get is handed to them in the person of their firstborn child. Fifty years ago it was unusual for a man to abandon his family. These days it happens all the time.
And then there's the culture. Father's on TV are always portrayed as complete buffoons. Who wants to be Al Bundy or Homer Simpson? Responsibility is always viewed as some sort of personal disaster. Oh my God! A wife! A mortgage! A job! A kid! It's no wonder so many young men refuse to grow up.
Mind you, I'm not really trying to pin the blame on anyone here. I think this thing has been an unexpected development in American society. We really don't have a good way to grow young boys into men anymore. I don't really know what the solution is, either. I wish I did. There are a couple of things that I think will help. First and foremost, boys need role models, and men who aren't afraid of responsibility need to step up and meet the challenge. I've tried to do my part. I've been a mentor at the local junior high for three years. I like to think I've done a little good, but time will tell.
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4 comments:
It's not just America, Matt; it's the West. The comfortable, affluent West.
But we've got a bit too comfortable.
And the East and Middle East are coming up to kick our asses -- in economy, as well as in preparing their men for the "real world", even if that "real world" is fighting a jihad. We're in big trouble...
great post, dad!
and good point, asterisk.
i don't know men in the rest of the world because my meager travels have involved little to no contact with foreigners outside of those we were there to serve... of whom were mostly orphaned children (in both cases).
but it makes me sad to know it's not only happened here.
i'm sort of afraid to say it, but i do hope something will send us back in the other direction.
Doesn't history typically come full circle? I think there is hope someday we might swing back in the other direction. Over the last few years the focus has been switched for men and I think to some extent they have been sent mixed signals from not only their parents, but also women as the come into the world of relationships. As you said MD, they are not actually needed in their families and then they are thrown into a world that says on many levels women don't need them either. The rise of the Independent Woman has left many males confused as to what role they are meant to play. Although I don't wish for society to come full circle back to the idea of the demure, obedient woman, I do hope we can find a healthy happy medium.
Btw, Welcome to the world of Blogging. Glad you decided to join us!
I'd like to think history does run in circles, but I think this may be a new phenomenon. We've never seen a society where this many were this prosperous, where entire generations of males were simply not needed by their families (or their women, for that matter. Rome was fairly prosperous but it was built on the backs of millions of slaves. Western culture seems to have evolved into something entirely new. If it is to survive the coming onslaught from Islam et al, we must develop new ways to instill a sense of responsibility in our young men. I simply don't see it happening at this time. I'm afraid I'm not very optomistic about this.
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